Introduction: With the number of blogs increasing exponentially, the
blogosphere is under a severe threat. The writing has always been on
the wall (and I’m not just talking about facebook). Too many blogs and
too many heated discussions have led to the inevitable – Blogal Warming.
Of
course not everyone is aware of this affliction, but it is all around
us. Its tentacles have already engulfed our community and it is only a
matter of time before it squeezes the life out.
As a responsible citizen of the blogosphere, I consider it my duty and privilege to inform the ignorant of this great malady.
Blogal
warming broadly refers to the increase in the average temperature of
systems the world over, in the past decade, caused by excessive
blogging, mindless link forwarding, blog whoring, blog rolling etc. The
more specific problems associated with BW will be discussed later on.
Reasons:
Studies conducted over the past few days by this astute observer have
helped in identifying the root of the problem. As can be readily
imagined, the trouble starts when a layman decides he should start a
blog. There are various reasons which can be ascribed to this.
1)
Green House Effect – Sidin Vadukut says “Everyone and their
mother-in-laws think they can write”. A statistical survey conducted on
young bloggers has brought to light the reason for this belief – Almost
90% of the subjects admitted that this belief stemmed from having won a
prize for creative writing in some inter-house competition at school.
Since the majority of our subjects happened to represent the “Green House”, we’ve dubbed this the green house effect.
In
anomalous cases, winning a second prize in flower arrangement in 5th
standard has also been deemed as reason enough to start writing a blog.
2)
CFCs – The mere feeling that one can write would not have generated so
much blogal warming. There had to be a secondary reason. This is of
course well known to all of us. The glitz and glamour and the charm of
blogging is a feature called comments. The number of comments obtained
on one’s blogposts has become a status symbol of sorts. CFC or Craving
For Comments is the major driving force behind increased BW.
Effects: The effects of Blogal Warming can readily be guessed. Some of these have been discussed.
1)
Temperature Rise – As discussed before, the major effect of BW is the
rise in temperature of systems. With the increasing number of blogs,
the 35th tab of Mozilla Firefox (a feat once deemed impossible) has
become the standard for an average browser. This devil-may-care
attitude towards browsing has put immense strain on the system, causing
it to heat up more than usual.
2) Holes in the Awe-zone layer –
About 5% of the blogosphere consists of readable material and among
this close to 1% of the bloggers are particularly awesome. This one
percent, called the Awe-zone, occurs at the top of the Blogosphere. Its
function is to keep out aspiring bloggers by instilling a feeling of
inferiority in them.
However the rapid increase of blogs coupled
by inactivity of some bloggers in the awe-zone layer, have caused holes
to start appearing in the awe-zone layer. The gap between the awe-zone
layer and the rest of the blogosphere has reduced.
This in turn
has caused more people to take up blogging as there is someone (whose
level) they can relate to in the blogosphere. (The analogy is similar
to a person setting out to buy a phone for 6000 rupees. The salesman
convinces him that if he can afford 6000, he can afford 7000 and get a
much better phone. Once the customer agrees to this, he convinces him
that he can get an 8000 rupee phone…. Finally the customer ends up
buying a phone worth 13000.)
Holes in the awe-zone layer cause skin trouble. The most commonly observed affliction is an itch to blog.
3)
Blogal warming as defined in the Oxford dictionary, also has a
secondary meaning – “The delusion that Blogs can be used as a way to
warm up to hot chicks”. The first casualty of this delusion was Paul
George Tharian. Given below is the photographic evidence of this claim-
a screenshot from the Orkut Scrapbook of a blogger. Start reading from
the bottom and proceed to the top.
Although
this can at best be defined as delusion, it is only fair that this
should be included at least as a theoretical effect of blogal warming.
We will call it Paul George Tharian’s ice-breaking with girls or simply
melting of the Paul-ar ice ;)
Remedies:
1) The only way to
combat Blogal Warming is by restoring the Awe-zone layer and putting
the rest of the blogosphere way out of reach. You can all help this
cause by pouring out your unbounded admiration for this blog.
2)
Some people out there think that they can land chicks by blogging. It
is of vital importance that we prove them wrong. This can be achieved
if all girls out there fall for a single guy and tell the rest of the
world that they are not available. To save the blogosphere, I’m willing
to take up the cause of being that single guy. :D
